Five Secrets Practice

Five Secrets Practice Group

The Five Secrets of Effective Communication is an interpersonal practice developed by eminent psychiatrist Dr. David Burns, author of many bestselling books for lay people, including Feeling Good and his new book, Feeling Great. The Five Secrets appear most prominently in his book Feeling Good Together, the basis for our practice group.

Learning the Five Secrets can make your relationships work, even difficult relationships. They make it possible to have challenging conversations and to foster more healthy relationships at home, at work, and everywhere you want to increase closeness.

The Five Secrets are simple but not easy. Much like other practices I have encountered, such as meditation or The Work of Byron Katie, they’re easy to understand with the mind, but take time and repetition to internalize. That’s why I’ve created this practice group. David Burns calls some aspects of practicing the Five Secrets as “the death of the ego,” because we learn how to be wrong in service of being in connection. If that hasn’t scared you away, I welcome you to join us!

This group will be free, but a time commitment is involved and space is limited. For the first cohort, we will meet from 5:30-6:30 PM Pacific Time for 6 weeks, beginning on July 6. I look forward to getting to know you!

Apply here:

What are the Five Secrets?

  1. Disarming: seeing and acknowledging the truth in someone else’s criticism or complaints, even when they seem unfair or unreasonable
  2. Thought & Feeling Empathy: Reflecting what the other person is saying and acknowledging what they might be feeling
  3. Inquiry: gently asking questions to make sure you’re hearing the other person and not missing anything they want you to know
  4. “I feel” statements: share the feelings you have about what the person is sharing (feelings not thoughts)
  5. Respect, affirmation & appreciation: letting the other person know how important your relationship is to you and what you genuinely admire about them

The workshops begin in early July and the deadline to apply is July 4, 2021.

Apply Now

Resources:

Please note: this group is not sponsored by or affiliated with Dr. David Burns. While we’re keeping him in the loop with this work, it’s completely an independent effort.